For One Guy, She Needed To Be Pretty And Asian

A perfect woman had to be pretty, submissive — and Asian for a California man named Steven. A 30-year-old woman from China, on a fiancee visa in the documentary Seeking Asian Female, filmmaker Debbie Lum followed Steven as he sought out, found, and brought over Sandy. Then truth hit. Lum talks about host Michel Martin to her film.


We intend to take a huge u-turn now and possess the things I’m likely to phone some grown people’ discussion about one thing that i’m certain, if you’re in a few components of the nation or ever take a look at dating web sites, you’ll have seen.

Have you ever pointed out that some males appear to have a plain thing for Asian ladies? We are demonstrably dealing with non-Asian guys right right right here. Chinese-American filmmaker Debbie Lum did, partly because she by by by herself was the thing – one might even state the mark – with this fascination. So she made a decision to attempt to discover what it really is all about.

She interviewed guys who posted online individual adverts solely looking for women that are asian. This really is simply a sample of just just exactly what she discovered.


UNIDENTIFIED MAN #1: It’s their locks. Oahu is the long, black locks that is really attractive.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #2: it is the entire kind that is mysterious of, dark eyes.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN no. 3: i believe they offer more consideration to the way the man feels than, sometimes, on their own.

UNIDENTIFIED guy #4: Yeah. They’ve been sort of delicate and types of quiet.

STEVEN: This small thing right under the attention.

DEBBIE LUM: this is the way we met Steven.

STEVEN: simply, you understand, the eyelid cut – it is simply like – knocks me down.

MARTIN: fundamentally, Debbie Lum settled on a single guy to check out. You simply heard him. His name is Steven and she observed him while he sought after and found a Chinese friend and brought her to call home with him in the us for a three thirty days fiance visa. The end result could be the documentary, ” Seeking Feminine that is asian. It really is showcased as of this week’s Silverdocs movie Festival in Silver Spring, Maryland and filmmaker Debbie Lum has been us now.

Welcome. Many Many Thanks a great deal for joining us.

LUM: Thanks for having me personally.

MARTIN: Do you really mind telling us are just some of the pickup lines which you have actually endured over the years?

LUM: You know what? Individuals usually appear to me personally and they’re going to state three terms in Chinese and it’s really, you realize, (spanish talked). They – it is therefore common.

MARTIN: It’s therefore typical? What now?? The base massage treatments ended up being the main one i acquired disgusted by, asking in the event that you give base massage treatments. I happened to be like, what exactly is that about, anyway? Therefore, presumably, this really is one of several items that sparked your desire for causeing the documentary.

LUM: Yeah. You understand, growing up as A asian-american woman, you can’t live without experiencing a lot of males just like the primary character of my movie. Yeah.

MARTIN: What is up with Steven? After all, once you came across him – plus one associated with things you are extremely candid about is that you said you variety of – when you initially came across him, you actually had the desire to variety of change and run away. Therefore did I. However you discovered their apartment covered with pictures of Asian ladies. He chatted to hundreds during the period of a few years. That which was that about with him?

LUM: Well, Steven has everything we call yellowish fever. He’ has completely, complete obsession with Asian ladies and, whenever I came across him, he’d been doing a search online for five years shopping for a spouse from Asia and in the end decided that she needed to be Chinese, not only Asian. In which he actually – he felt – he’d been hitched once or twice and then he felt that their genuine only possibility of finding a spouse is to find someone in Asia.

MARTIN: Why did he feel their only possibility at pleasure will be somebody that is finding Asia?

LUM: You know, he had been.

MARTIN: simply get immediately. Just state it.

LUM: Most – the label is the fact that males like Steven, that have an obsession for Asian ladies, this thing called fetish that is asian wish somebody submissive, conventional, docile, you understand, the right spouse that is not likely to talk right straight back.

MARTIN: And what exactly is fascinating is, whenever Steven finally fulfills Sandy(ph) on the web, he takes a couple of of trips to Asia to fulfill her. They choose to get hitched pretty quickly. She would go to Ca. She comes within the U.S. For a three-month fiance visa. Why don’t we simply say that there is an awakening that is rude Sandy isn’t the submissive, you realize, servant which he possibly was indeed anticipating. Why don’t we play a clip that is short.


STEVEN: a small tradition clash taking place. I am alone for 20 years and, all of a sudden, i am attempting to adjust. There is likely to be an adjustment on both of our components. It is not Asia and I also have always been perhaps maybe perhaps not Chinese.

MARTIN: Well, one of many items that precipitated this, just to fast ahead a small bit, is the fact that Sandy discovered that he was corresponding with an extremely many other ladies and she place her foot straight down. Did this shock you?

LUM: Sandy, through the minute she stepped from the air air plane, amazed me over repeatedly and once again when I had been making the movie. She wasn’t after all the thing I expected and, in the beginning, i truly did – I happened to be simply surprised that she had been the type of – she appeared to be the standard woman he had been trying to find after which, instantly, she became really a powerful individual in the life.

MARTIN: Well, I do not would you like to offer, type of, the entire tale away right here, but i recently wonder if you believe that their relationship ended up being typical for the males that have this obsession or particular interest or yen for Asian ladies – is the fact that they operating down a label. However the label just isn’t real. After all, that ladies – you understand, these ladies – a few of who have become effective inside their very own right and possess their very own agency and generally are not quite as deferential as they think. Do you consider that that is typical, predicated on all of the reporting which you did when it comes to movie?

LUM: Well, I would how to date greek girl personally say that everyone has their story that is own and’s really just exactly what the movie is actually getting at. But, when you’re call at search of a lady centered on a label or simply an expectation, state you are dating online and this expectation is had by you projection of the individual that you are trying to find. Once you meet up with the genuine person, it doesn’t matter what your expectation is, it will be defied because of the truth.

She actually is an income, breathing one who really does talk and may talk right right right back very well.

MARTIN: i want to ask you to answer about the one thing, however. You understand, there is a recent research by the Pew Research Center that actually dug in on types of the Asian-American population regarding the usa in a very profound and type of significant method. And another for the plain items that they discovered had been that, this year, almost a 3rd of Asian-American newlyweds hitched a non-Asian in addition to price of intermarriage among Asian-Americans ended up being higher. Well, Asian-Americans are far more prone to marry away from their competition than whites, blacks or Hispanic. And i simply wonder if any insight is had by you into why that would be?

LUM: Well, you understand, that is something which has, i believe, troubled the community that is asian-American several years and several generations along with to quit and wonder, will it be – does Asian fetish have component to relax and play for the reason that? Because, additionally, whenever you have a look at that quantity, it really is skewed in one single direction. It is often just as much as dual the wide range of white guys with Asian females as it’s Asian – white ladies with Asian males. Therefore, yes. It is rather interested.